"Why care so much for something that cannot care for you?"
Dr Millican :
"Reflection".
"I look at Odi, I don't see a synthetic. I see all the years of care he gave us."
"All the memories he carried for me when I couldn't".
"He can't love me, but... I see all those years of love looking back at me."
(Humans, Season 1, Ep 6)
As I look into my contemplative space this morning, I have my head phone on with some meditative music to help me get in the zone, I caught the face of Our Lady, which physical representation I picked up from a vintage shop in France through Ebay. The light of the flickering candle reflected on her, as her face gaze upward, into the distance, perfectly aligned with a window nearby, where the rising sun light fall on her face, as it does every late mornings. It is almost as if she looks directly into the face of God.
In that instant, I felt like I could finally breath again. As if that space between by ribs, on my chest, was light, and opened. Like a muscle strain that your best massage therapist finally managed to release, and you were left wondering how on earth did you manage before that. With that, I was also taken out of that space of connection to myself which flows deeper and deeper with the soothing tunes in my head phone, connecting myself to myself and everything around me. A space that is essential to retreat to, but as I found out this morning, not sufficient in itself.
I have been working on myself a lot in the past few years. Several major life events shook me to my foundation and I found myself having to review everything under a different light.
Although working on the self, and the fellowship of like-minded individuals who together work on each of the separate selves, has been empowering, and rejuvenating, as I learned from the insights, experiences, stories, and wisdom of others, this morning's experience made me realized that I do need the "vertical" connection, as well as the "horizontal".
The connection to God, is as essential to me as ones that I found with those around me. Ones which I made with my fellow seekers and fellow journey men and women. As ones I made with the nature around me. The Moon, the Sky, the Sun, the Stars, the Trees, the Ocean, the Animals, the Conscious, the Unconscious, the Super Conscious. As much as I garner power from everything that is around me as well as in me, the one that feels like coming home, is the one I made with God.
As I look into the face of Mother Mary this morning, I saw a reflection of something I lost a long time ago, and then lost again recently.
I have not been able to rediscover that which I feel I have lost in myself. But I could see it in her face this morning. It was fleeting. But it was there.
And that will have to do for now.
A beautiful moment - thank you so much for this as it definitely resonates with me. As I type this, I'm sitting in front of a large window. I'm at my second property, it's a small, camp/cottage of sorts and I come down every few weeks to check on it over the winter to make sure everything is ok. I've been here alone now for two days. No TV - no noise, just me - in a small space, surrounded by the woods. The window is revealing a small amount of fresh snow this morning and little flakes are blowing around, almost dancing, just above the surface. The sunlight is breaking through the leafless trees - and I sit here in front of the window. These moments, I always feel source or the Light - and a sense of recharge and I'm thankful. Much LIGHT and positivity to you.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful scene you described there. I closed my eyes and pictured it, and I can almost feel it. Light and blessings to you P!
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